With no title for this entry is deeply how I feel with heartache and tears cutting me through...

Song title: Winter sleep Lyrics: Eclipse Music: OLIVIA・rui

It keeps coming back to me
I remember this pain
It spreads across my eyes
Everything is dull

Everyone's smiling, they're smiling
It pushes me far far away
I can't understand
Everything is blue

Can you hear me out there?

Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
I'm gazing from the distance and
I feel everything pass through me
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
I'm lost in a deep winter sleep

I can't seem to find my way out alone
Can you wake me

I know when I let it in
It hides love from this moment
So I guard it close
I watch the moves it makes

But it gets me, but it gets me
I wish I could understand how I
Could make it disappear, make it disappear

Anyone out there hear me now?

Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
Kiss my lips and maybe you can take me to your world for now
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
Please make it all go away
Am I ever gonna feel myself again?
I hope I will

Nice song with lyrics I can relate to, What I love to do? Listen to music and write down how I feel deep down. "Bang... could someone just shoot me in the head or heart??" Lesser pain I guess if someone do that. Never in a day that I won't cry, smiles on the outside tears on the inside, screwed myself for fallen so hard. No one gonna read this...

Hate myself to this point for crying when I shouldn't and should stay strong... Wherever I go whatever I do I just can't stop this pain and every moment I'm reminiscing about everything like this lyrics "Am I ever gonna feel myself again?" Please leave me alone can you? I would really feel much better if I never know...

I can't faced the reality because I know how I feel... I've fallen so hard, so much so that I can't believe I've fallen and I can't find myself, lost in this maze locked forever maybe someday sometime I will find a way out but right now I'm just stucked in there..."Bang... please just shoot me please" Silly me, no one will do that if they are going to jail right... Don't ask even if you did don't let me know cause it only adds on to the pain, I thought as days and time passed the pain will be lesser, lesser than yesterday and I'll feel better today but I guess I'm wrong it will never decrease if I don't let myself forget. Never have I realised I've fallen, fallen so hard with so much pain but I never regret it cause it's part of me... So long so long i've cry, so many times, maybe I should clear my playlist so no more emotional song for me probably it will save me bit by bit.

I'm tired really am tired trying to stay strong when I'm not... I just wanna break down in tears and all need is a shoulder to cry on... Will you just be here with me my friend, I don't need words to console me not even the shoulder to lean on all i need is any of you to be here and watched me cry, be here like how I'll be there for all of you and just show me that I'm never alone that is all I need... Those reading this might be thinking "there she goes again" but how many of you really knows what I'm feeling and listens to what I've to say, how many of you have seen me cry? I'm afraid to lose myself, to lose all of you, I've changed and I hate it never am I the same as I used to be and I'm scared... Save me...